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VIDEO: City Marshals Defend Us All

By Antonio D. French

Filed Wednesday, August 30, 2006 at 10:16 AM

So say you're downtown paying your property taxes when all of a sudden Bin Laden's boys decide to attack City Hall with VX nerve gas (it could happen). What are you going to do? You have no idea, do you? Well, fear not, you simple-minded civilian. Lucky for you, you're being protected by the elite fighting force known as the St. Louis City Marshals.

Three such marshals -- "martial artists" are more like it. We hear they can kill you with a single blow, a move known only as the "shiny badge of death" -- anyway, three marshalls recently gave us an exclusive tour of their secret lair buried deep under City Hall in abandoned caves once used by Harriet Tubman. But when we later checked our videotape, only snow and static had recorded (surely the result of some superior Marshal technology designed to keep their secrets -- and St. Louis -- safe).

Well, we've got some technology too. And we were able to salvage a couple of minutes of footage of Marshals Robert Howard, Antron Lavington, and Christopher Fischer telling us about some Homeland Security training they recently completed at a secret facility in Anniston, Alabama.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Doug Duckworth said...

Over at UMSL we are under accidental terrorist attack.

I put hot sauce on my burrito baby!

Maybe these professionals can help with the gas problem currently affecting the computer labs at the SSB building.

8/30/2006 1:31 PM

 
Blogger Antonio D. French said...

Guess who's going to get written off as "uncooperative" in the next VX gas attack at City Hall. That's what you get for mouthing off, Doug.

8/30/2006 1:51 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Antonio, it is nice of you to talk about the Marshals. I think that they are under appreciated, but very nice and apparently well trained.

8/30/2006 2:24 PM

 
Blogger Doug Duckworth said...

For Halloween I intend to dress as a commando and knock on Slay's house.

Trick or Treat!

Who is going to VX-Gas St. Louis City Hall? St. Louis has a rather small population compared to the larger cities. If we are a target then why will the National Guard be moved out of Lambert?

8/30/2006 3:34 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Be careful what you write, referring to the P-D article on 8/22, page B1, written by Ken Leiser:
Jim Bensman of Alton attended a public hearing last month where he urged the Army Corp of Engineers to consider removing a dam. One newspaper article listed him as a supporter of blowing up the dam. A few days later he was contacted by an FBI agent investigating his remarks as a potential threat.

Oh, just in case:
Attention Internet Surveillance Team: I am simply repeating the story. I am not advocating anything.

8/30/2006 8:58 PM

 

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